Friday, June 11, 2010

The Here and Now!

So the past two days I’ve given you the shorthand version of how we have gotten to where we are. You can see the Beginning of QueenB and Toughie and the Locating and Agreements posts if you want to catch up. I’m writing this all out as I’ve said partly with frustrations but possibly with the hope of maybe finding someone else dealing with the same issues.

This post will have a different feel to it than the last two. I left off with what our present agreement is. It’s been a long road of almost 4 years now of searching, kissing her and the courts butt, a TON of money, many many miles, to get where we are. I’m not asking for sympathy I just want to voice my feelings and opinions on what we have been going through. It’s been a journey and I wouldn’t trade any minute of it.
So as it stands now she has once again drug us to court. A few months ago claiming I was of course abusing the girls. CPS came to my house and turned it upside down and questioned me. They even questioned Hubby at the station while he was working!! I was furious yet amused with the stories she came up with this time. One was that I constantly lock the girls in “our” bedroom with their dad. Well when I showed the CPS guy that one ok yeah our bedroom has a door but it is constantly stuck open and I mean stuck. We live in an old house and when I yanked on the door to show him how stuck it was there was a loud pop and I about fell over. I then showed him how it’s basically a piece of wood, no handle, and certainly no lock. (very rustic) From this point on every time he would read me an allegation and I would prove how there was no way possible for it to be true, or even remotely plausible he was consistently shaking his head. When he got done with the whole thing he asked if I had any input. I just shook my head. He then says that he doesn’t see any reason that he should have been here or that he should be back that we have nothing to worry about. He once again asked if I had any input and no one but him would know what I said. So I just simply snapped and told him, “She is jealous period. From the point the girls could talk they called me Mom first and that pissed her off. (we didn’t encourage it, it doesn’t matter to me one bit) She feels she has to attack because that is her only option. We have a stable home, environment, jobs, life, and she can’t keep or have any of that and it drives her mad.” That’s the short version.

So here is the run down. The girls will be 5 in September. In their short little lifetime she has lost 4 jobs. Most the time was unemployed rather than working. She has been evicted from 6 different places. She has been arrested for drunk driving and bouncing checks. She is now having mental breakdowns and calling at all hours in the evening and at night (after 12 am a couple of times) for Hubby to come get the girls because she can’t handle it.

The sad part is that even though the girls are four they are beyond gifted and intelligent. They are already disappointed by her and you can see it in their attitude, emotions, and actions. It’s frustrating because you don’t want to discipline them for retaliating/screaming out in frustration to finding that they were suppose to go here or there and once again she has let them down. We try our best to explain what we can and hope for the best.

She physically abuses them and it’s evident. Toughie has slipped a few times and called me Mom only to be smacked by QueenB and told “you don’t call her Mom she isn’t our Mom” Wow!! The conversations after these have been very enlightening. They are constantly covered in bruises, huge scrapes, black eyes, you name it they have had it short of a broken bone. (knock on wood) She has never viewed their safety as a concern. Had them in boosters before they were even two, during winter they are always wearing inappropriate clothes, and so on.

So not to make this go on forever I’m sure you see the pattern. Now I am all for both parents in a child’s life. I WANT her to be a part of their life. However right now I don’t think it’s a good thing for them. She is once again homeless, jobless, and constantly falling apart. Last night was another 12 am call from her and the girls. One why are they still up and two there has to be something wrong if they want to call daddy and are crying their eyes out. I want to fall over uncontrollably crying myself when we get them they are so filthy and bruised. Thing is I can’t!! I have to stay strong, I have to for them! It’s horrifying that they know the routine of coming to us. Every time it’s pictures snapped of clothes and marks, baths, and new clothes. We have to protect ourselves and collect all we can for when the miracle happens and the court finally opens their eyes.

IMG_0558Now our hopes aren’t up by no means, but prayers and fingers crossed that the mediator has finally seen. She has requested the hubby to come to mediation today. In her phone call she finally asked questions. She found out about some of the girls moms lies and her current situation. She wants to try and get their mom to temporarily let the girls come stay with us till she can get things back together. Hubby told her that their mom won’t go for it. When asked why, he told her “the truth is she will lose the money she is getting (child support) and she will not go for that.” Mediator told her well she will just have to see this isn’t good for them. Hubby even said “if she will do it I don’t want her money, or for her to have to pay, I just want to know they are safe, sleeping in a bed at night, being fed, bathed, and loved. I believe she does love them but as of now it’s very unclear how much.”

I have never nor will I ever not love these two as if they weren’t my own. They keep me going day after day and in that first minute coming back from her they immediately jump into my arms and squeeeze so hard while proclaiming “I missed you the MOST” there is NO WAY I will give that up. These are my girls just as much as theirs.

Thanks for listening/reading. Next week I promise will be back to fun things. Fingers crossed and tons of prayers today goes well.



Shell said...

Those poor girls. Sending prayers that things go your way today. Keep us updated.

Dazee Dreamer said...

This story is soooo sad and frustrating for me. Child abuse is wrong, and the freaking courts need to get off their asses and realize moms are not always the best. check out my post
to the reasons I say this.

Good luck, and thank goodness they have you guys to run too. And too bad they aren't old enough to say, enough is enough we are living with dad.

CountessLaurie said...

Recently, I was speaking with an inner-city teacher. She said the kids were great... until Fridays when they would lose it. Because Fridays they had to go home to the instablity of their "home" where abuse, drugs etc... were the norm. The classroom was the stable, safe zone and the kids instinctively knew it.

You are these girls safe, stable zone and they know it. What a tough thing to go through, but hang in there! I will keep you, your husband, the girls and all parties involved in prayer!!

Duchess said...

Thanks for sharing! Keeping you all in my prayers.

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