Thursday, May 20, 2010

Theory Thursday – I must be old fashioned

So I have come to the conclusion I’m old fashioned. This is probably what my grandmother had always tried to teach me. I was raised the oldest of three girls on a farm. Yeah with no brothers. So guess who got to do the hard work…Yup me and the sisters. (only when they got older, I have three years on the next) As we grew up we were taught simple and what I found basic morals such as:
  • You know that Golden Rule “Treat others as you want to be treated.”
  • You have to work hard for what you want, things are not always handed to you.
  • Truth is always the best, even if it might hurt.
  • Stand up for what you know is right.
  • Defend/Help those that can’t do it themselves.
  • Life isn’t always fair.
  • It’s better to give than get.
  • Be a leader not a follower.
You know all the basic principles to create a well rounded individual. Well here is why I believe I am old fashioned. Either that or other parents are forgetting and giving in. Here is my biggest one that it seems no one is teaching anymore…
  • Respect is not something you can demand and receive. It must be earned and reciprocated.
I will tell you why. If you are not a step-parent I’ll explain a bit about transition days. They are the first day/evening when the kids change homes. (ie Mom’s to Dad’s in case that wasn’t clear) They are generally no matter what a tough day, no matter what the age of the kid/kids are. Well our transition days here have progressively spiraled down to the depths of HE#$ nowhere!!!! I won’t elaborate to much on how horrible their worthless, homeless, lazy, un-employed, alcoholic, mother is. The girls are having a rough time dealing with bouncing all over the place with them not knowing where they will be next.
Problem is she doesn’t want to tell them no and tries her best to be the “good parent.” Not the good as in take care of the properly, good as in the one that spoils, caters, and jumps at every demand so that she can remain the one they pick because at 4 they don’t know any better yet.
This is so hard when here the girls had manners at one point. (Having to remind them to say it again is exhausting, I did it once already) That they don’t call each other or anyone else horrible names. That a time out means you WILL sit there until I SAY YOU CAN MOVE! (that goes for blinking too, ok maybe not but you know)
That just because you mother despises the fact that I can take better care of you, and you LOVE me, and tell me that in front of her, DOES NOT mean you can hit me and scream “Mommy says to HATE you!!” Oh yes they have. I had to leave the room and bawl after that. Surprisingly not for what they said, but for there mom for the fact she is going to teach the girls these things. That she is going to after over three years start playing these games with the girls.
We are trying to stay consistent in teaching the girls right from wrong when they are here. Explaining what their mother tells them to do to me is not respectful or nice. That you can catch more flies with honey, oh wait I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to say. I’m trying my best to stay pleasant and respectful on exchanges, as tough as it is I do. So now that I’ve opened the door of the bloggy world to my chaos as a step-mom I’m sure you will hear more.

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CountessLaurie said...

Yuck! What a terrible thing/person to have to deal with! Sending hugs and prayers!!

Angie Johnson said...

I can relate. Being a step mom is definitely one of those times you give instead of get. It sounds like you are really providing some real stability and this is what makes kids feel safe and protected. I am just sorry to hear that you have to go through this roller coaster on a consistent basis. We were lucky in the sense that we did not have to deal with the bouncing back and forth. My step daughter sees her mom about once a month at best sometimes less. Just keep with it. You will see the difference as they grow and who they depend on.

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