Fly On The Wall.

So here is the set up, the 411, the down-low.

I’ve been picking on Sis lately. She and I talk almost everyday, if not several times a day. The hubby thinks its crazy. My opinion is that my family is a lot closer in some aspects than his. Anyway as you know Sis has three boys. Booger is 5, Duck is almost 3, and Moose is little over a year old.

Aren’t they just handsome boys??

Now our conversations at times are rather amusing and I will tell you why. I’ve been teasing her that I was going to start writing about some of the “phrases” I hear when we talk. She tells me I won’t, when she knows I most definitely will. I told her the other day someone should be a fly on the wall and write this stuff down so we could make millions!!

So here we go, set down that drink, no drinking I don’t want you to choke and it be all my fault.

Phone rings I see on the caller ID its her (second time today) the earlier call however was from Moose playing with the cell.

For your ease of reading I will color code the convo’s. *wink wink* I will be in lovely Red and Sis will be in Blue.

So I answer, “Hello.”

Stern voice says, “Don’t say that to me again or you will go to your room!”

“Ok then, noted.”

Laughing. “No not you, UGH these kids are making me lose my hair today.”

“Nothing new.”

So we chat about a few things, and then mid sentence she raises her voice, “I told you to go find a toy to play with! Quit playing with the tape measure before you slice your brothers head off!”

Not even two minutes later, “I said a toy!! Where are you getting these tools? Of all things your dad had to teach you it had to be the “fixin!” Give me the wrench and hammer. Now get!” pause “Get back here! Give me the screwdriver out of your back pocket too! Is there anymore I can’t see?”

Yeah my nephews are all about the tools. They love the farm and “fixin” things. Really is very adorable. How ever a lot of the boys “fixin” has cost Sis and her hubby some money.

For example the other day Duck decided to cook some long noodles (Ramen) on the grill. Sis thought he was pretending stirring things in the bowl on the grill. There was no flame so all safe right? Wrong they went to use the grill a day later. No gas in the tank. First they are perplexed how this 2 year old was able to turn the top plus Duck had managed to break some part that her hubby had to run, buy, and then “fix.”

Second Sis proceeds to tell me now that Moose is walking, he likes to help mommy. Sis found out the hard way that crayons and dishwasher’s don’t blend well. Enough said.

Another day we are chatting along and she is telling a story about a friend of ours she saw the other day. Again mid sentence no change in tone she says, “You asked for it you eat it! Your brother is not a pig to just dump leftovers on his tray!”

At first I’m like WTF kind of story, huh, what?? Then I hear Duck say, “But Mama he’s (Moose) asked me for some.”

“Ok one your brother doesn’t talk. Two what have you been told about lying, three ugh… uhh… AHH just go away I can’t think with you telling me (Moose) is talking. That thought scares me to no end.”

Then on that note she goes right back into the story like nothing happened. I however am still perplexed with the fact that Duck could come up with such a story and the thought of Moose talking we will all be in trouble.
So I don’t hear a thing she says.

There have been several more. They happen at least once a week. I am absolutely writing them down from now on. That is of course once I wipe my eyes from the tears of laughing so hard. Knowing my Sis and my nephews that I love to death, this will probably be a reoccurring entry.

Proving stereotypes have some truth.

My family has always amused me. There is never a dull moment when we are all together. No matter what, you can always count on a laugh at from with my youngest sister, Sissy. All three of us My sister’s were born blonde (not me, nope I’m a red head, that’s what I’m sticking with, have been for months years my whole life) and Sissy definitely has fit the stereotype of being blonde over and over and over again. Here are a couple examples:

I remember once the three of us sitting in the mall food court talking about a family friend that was moving to Alaska. Sis and I were talking about the fact that the long drive has to be getting pretty tedious, going on 4 days or something like that.

When Sissy says, “Drive? How can they drive across the ocean?”

“What?!” We wanted to make sure we heard her right.

“I said how can they drive on the ocean?”

We bust up laughing!!

Blank stare at us she is like “What’s so funny? Alaska is in the middle of the ocean, right next to Hawaii! You can’t drive on the ocean.”

I finally catch my breath to ask her something along the lines of “ Do we honestly attend the same school? I wish I had a map.” So after explaining to her how the map works she finally understood, I think…

Story number two happened just recently:

Not only is Sissy the blonde airhead intellectually challenged of all of us, she tends to be the adventurous one. Now Sis and I love a great challenge, but Sissy tends to seek them out constantly. Last summer she took and passed the classes to ride a motorcycle. Shocked us all but she loves it. So last Thursday my Mother, whom was over 10 hours from home got that call. “Ma’am your daughter has been in an accident.” Oh my!! So yeah that afternoon/evening was pure chaos. Luckily she walked out of the ER with only bumps, bruises, scrapes, and a bit less skin on one side of her butt. The biggest issue was her pride.

If you had encountered Sissy at any time after the crash you would have thought “What an ungrateful spoiled brat!”

Which she is but I can somewhat understand her frustration that day. Here she is being boarded up and all her clothes cut off by guys she personally knows because she played softball with them. I would definitely be embarrassed too! So the next day she is ranting about she didn’t understand why she had to be C-collared, and boarded, and all that hospital crap, when she said she was fine.

Where I jump in and say, “Well generally when your body has enough force flying into the back of an SUV to bust the window, they really believe that something has to be broke or damaged inside.”

To which she replies, “Well it wasn’t my body! It was my head! Want to see the marks on my helmet?”

No joke that’s what she said to me. So I ask, “Okay since when is your head not part of your body?”

She stammers, “Well you know what I mean!”

“Yeah, yeah. Still when your body or head hits at that speed you NEED to be checked out.”

Now don’t get me wrong my Sissy is not stupid. She has a degree from college in business management or something like that. (she only changed it like 8 times)

You see all three of us have acquired totally different specialties or gifts. I have my brain and ability to absorb all the knowledge around me whether I want to or not. Sis has the ability to barely want to be preggo and here comes the baby makin’ machine. (I blame her for my inability to become preggo, you see she got all the reproducing genes.) Then finally Sissy has the ability to be a mover/workaholic. At one point she was attending college full time, PLUS working two jobs. She is crazy, however motivated to get what she wants. So when you want everything, that was probably the right gift.

I have so many more stories on how my family amuses me so stay tuned for more.