Fly On The Wall.

So here is the set up, the 411, the down-low.

I’ve been picking on Sis lately. She and I talk almost everyday, if not several times a day. The hubby thinks its crazy. My opinion is that my family is a lot closer in some aspects than his. Anyway as you know Sis has three boys. Booger is 5, Duck is almost 3, and Moose is little over a year old.

Aren’t they just handsome boys??

Now our conversations at times are rather amusing and I will tell you why. I’ve been teasing her that I was going to start writing about some of the “phrases” I hear when we talk. She tells me I won’t, when she knows I most definitely will. I told her the other day someone should be a fly on the wall and write this stuff down so we could make millions!!

So here we go, set down that drink, no drinking I don’t want you to choke and it be all my fault.

Phone rings I see on the caller ID its her (second time today) the earlier call however was from Moose playing with the cell.

For your ease of reading I will color code the convo’s. *wink wink* I will be in lovely Red and Sis will be in Blue.

So I answer, “Hello.”

Stern voice says, “Don’t say that to me again or you will go to your room!”

“Ok then, noted.”

Laughing. “No not you, UGH these kids are making me lose my hair today.”

“Nothing new.”

So we chat about a few things, and then mid sentence she raises her voice, “I told you to go find a toy to play with! Quit playing with the tape measure before you slice your brothers head off!”

Not even two minutes later, “I said a toy!! Where are you getting these tools? Of all things your dad had to teach you it had to be the “fixin!” Give me the wrench and hammer. Now get!” pause “Get back here! Give me the screwdriver out of your back pocket too! Is there anymore I can’t see?”

Yeah my nephews are all about the tools. They love the farm and “fixin” things. Really is very adorable. How ever a lot of the boys “fixin” has cost Sis and her hubby some money.

For example the other day Duck decided to cook some long noodles (Ramen) on the grill. Sis thought he was pretending stirring things in the bowl on the grill. There was no flame so all safe right? Wrong they went to use the grill a day later. No gas in the tank. First they are perplexed how this 2 year old was able to turn the top plus Duck had managed to break some part that her hubby had to run, buy, and then “fix.”

Second Sis proceeds to tell me now that Moose is walking, he likes to help mommy. Sis found out the hard way that crayons and dishwasher’s don’t blend well. Enough said.

Another day we are chatting along and she is telling a story about a friend of ours she saw the other day. Again mid sentence no change in tone she says, “You asked for it you eat it! Your brother is not a pig to just dump leftovers on his tray!”

At first I’m like WTF kind of story, huh, what?? Then I hear Duck say, “But Mama he’s (Moose) asked me for some.”

“Ok one your brother doesn’t talk. Two what have you been told about lying, three ugh… uhh… AHH just go away I can’t think with you telling me (Moose) is talking. That thought scares me to no end.”

Then on that note she goes right back into the story like nothing happened. I however am still perplexed with the fact that Duck could come up with such a story and the thought of Moose talking we will all be in trouble.
So I don’t hear a thing she says.

There have been several more. They happen at least once a week. I am absolutely writing them down from now on. That is of course once I wipe my eyes from the tears of laughing so hard. Knowing my Sis and my nephews that I love to death, this will probably be a reoccurring entry.

Post–it–note Tuesday & Oh no he didn’t – Friends as roomies…

If you want to play along you can visit Supah and link up to PINT or visit Kristi to link up to Oh no he didn’t.

Both very awesome Meme’s!!! Come play along with us. Click the lovely buttons below, but make sure to read mine before you run and leave me some love. It’s been a long weekend and horrible start to the week. Thanks!!

 

 

Here we go!!

What I meant to say… to that chauvinistic..(sorry it’s a bit long)

I haven’t done the Meme at Chief’s in awhile but after Monday night I just had to vent. Come join us in the never ending adventure on letting out our true thoughts, feelings, and exactly What I meant to say… with Chief. Click on her fabulous button below!!! Oh and she is raffling off her Meme for Mission Monkey!! click on the adorable little Monkey over on the left there and go see why we are helping this little one!!!

So a little background if your new here. My hubby is a fire/EMS addict. I don’t just mean when we have the time he goes on calls, no we don’t hardly ever leave the area in fear there will be a call he will miss. So anyway he finally convinced me to jump into this world of his and take the EMT class with him and I did. I also joined our local ambulance department. Now we live in a small town, the same very small town I was raised in my whole life. EVERYONE knows me and my family in this town.
So over the last few weeks one of the guys this JERK on our department decided to blab all over town that I was installing some car seats, or showed a mom at the hospital, or some crap how to put one in and I’m not a certified installer. I was like Oh NO he isn’t. ((Some of the stuff has been shortened but I’m sure you will understand. I cant exactly explain two hours of bickering in a post, next time I’ll tape it))
He then went to my hubby at work in front of a co-worker very loud, stern in his words (yelling in mine and everyone else’s) “you need to tell your wife to knock that crap off or she is going to get this department in big trouble!”
My lovely Hubby says to him, “I have no idea what your talking about, who gave you what information, but she is not doing anything like that and never would!!” (He wouldn’t really talk like this but something along those lines.)
After my Hubby left for the day the Jerk decided to talk more to the other coworker there, “I know she did it. The other three women on this department told me they didn’t do it when I asked. I don’t care what they say I know she is doing it and she will get in trouble!!” Which was pleasant information after I had just finished supper. UGH
So as he talked every day to more and more people in this community, my phone kept ringing. I don’t think he realizes exactly what I meant when I said EVERYONE knows me here, and they KNOW that I know better. Everyone wanting to know what on Earth is this guy talking about. Simply put I said “you know me, and you know that I wouldn’t do that”. Conversation over.
So here comes our ambulance meeting on Monday night. Oh GRAND!! I’m so excited. So I sat away from the table this time you see only because this jerk has an anger and attitude problem. Who knows what he might do. I’ve witnessed other meetings where the table suffered from him getting mad and hitting it. I wasn’t going to sit close enough to see that again. As the meeting progressed people were voicing there opinions on things, and every time I or the other guys on the department would (whom the jerk has a tiff with right now too, shall we say hold a grudge much??) the Jerk would yell at us to “SHUT-UP” “you don’t know what your talking about so Shut up” Yeah this grown man of 40+ can only come up with shut up. I mean come on?!? What no education?!? So at that moment I was quiet I let it go that was until it was my time to shine.
When they asked for new business. I of course did! In the politest way possible I started “I believe that I deserve an apology. I’ve been accused of doing something I haven’t and it is continuing to be spread amongst the community. I want it to stop and I would..”
Jerk loudly interrupts “You need to knock this off I know your doing it I know your the one that is..”
SO I INTERRUPT!! “One quit shaking and pointing your finger at me!! Two I am not yelling you don’t need to either.”
There was a lot more input from various others. Some that had no right to make an input because they are never there (Jerk had to call in reinforcements HA HA!! now who is afraid of who?!? You had to bring back up to fight me?!?!) A ton more of the Jerk yelling including one moment where he in fact got out of his seat and came towards me finger shaking. I so wanted him to get closer because I was not backing down!! Get in my face I dare you!
I just shook my head and smiled. Eventually I ended with “I have been no where near where it happened. You have been told repeatedly that I did not do it. I want an apology for being accused with out the chance to defend myself, and for the fact that you asked in the beginning when I applied if the fact we were married was going to be an issue and it hasn’t been till now and not by our fault by yours. You should have called me and talked to me not address him (hubby) here at work. My number is on that roster list just like everyone else’s”
There was a bit of a pause by all and they are staring at me. I about died with what happened next he actually looked at me and in a human tone of voice he said “ you are right that was not very respectful I’m sorry”
I about fell over. So after all that bickering, non-stop fighting all night, apology from me later. I was happy with what I said I just wish I could have said “ You Zip them lying, good for nothing lips, that you spew SH*% out of every day to anyone you can threaten into listening to you. I don’t deserve to be treated like I have been here. I flat out can see why no other woman has stuck around on this unbelievably rotten, one-sided, chauvinistic, male-ego boosting, disgrace of a department you have all created. You don’t threaten or scare me and no matter what you say or do I am going nowhere. I know to many people in this town and if you keep messing with me I can and will make your life  miserable. You will be in tears rolling on the floor begging like a baby trying to figure why this is all happening to you. I was raised to defend myself and those that can not defend themselves. I have worked hard to be where I am and I will not give in to a worthless man. Women are superior so deal with it. Respect is not something you can demand and receive. It must be earned and reciprocated. This will only be the beginning of the war if you don’t keep that white flag of yours waving. Consider this your last warning if the war paint goes on, it will never come off again. Now apologize and kiss my feet!”
Ok so maybe not the kissing the feet part but ahh what the heck this is my dream I can say what I want.
So if you are an avid reader here at Mommy’s Theories you can tell as of late that the men around here are really beginning to tick me off. I’m just going to have to fix that.