Friday Flashback -- That’s a HUGE hood ornament!!

Way back when I was only 17. (ok so that’s not even ten years ago but hey I feel old these days) It was a fabulous Friday night and I had just picked up my “best-y” from her house to head to the social event of the month. Well not really we were heading to the boys basketball game at the school. I know what your thinking, “what a basketball game is an event?” Around here it is!! If it’s not football season then it’s basketball. Up here in the northern woods we are nuts about school spirit. (that goes for girls sports too) So the other disadvantage of living in nowhere land is that paved roads are a luxury not a necessity. So rather than drive 20 miles out of my way I take dirt roads. I mean I’m 17 so my classic tricked out muscle car fabulous Ford Taurus was supposed to be white, but for some reason it was rather tan. Plus gas is very valuable!! My parents did give me everything. So down the road we head and we are coming up to the S curve and guess what…

NOPE we weren’t going to fast… Try again… Ok OK I’ll tell ya!!

We did sort of crash. Well no not really, I'll explain. We came around the first curve and standing right there was YOGI!!

Yeah a BEAR!!

Pic-i-nic basket and all. (Boy did that fly when he saw me)

Well no, but like I could see I was hitting the brakes, busting out my mad “dirt track racing skills”, trying to figure out where that high pitch squeal (oh that was my best-y) was coming from. In other words trying to save our LIVES!! We start sliding sideways, and this bear must have learned from the stupid deer up here that when headlights are coming at you, just stand where you are. How that is going to save them who knows but they all do it. So we are sliding and I manage to get the car back heading straight… or so I thought… yup you guessed it I mean come on I was 17 I started spinning the other way. So now out of my window, the side one that is, I see this bear getting closer and closer and Oh we are going to HIT HIM!!! Then all of sudden poof, last second, something makes him run, thank heavens. We soon slide to a stop which was nice, or so I thought, that was until we look out the front and see nothing!! YUP NADA!! Well a few trees but tops of them not middle or bottom nope. Then the front end of the car just DROPS!!! HUGE bang right under our feet. Front wheels are no longer on the ground they are hanging over a cliff. Mean while my lovely co-pilot has not stopped screaming, I’m like GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!! So we sit there and I’m trying to remember how far this drop is… 30, 40, 50 ft???

Ok no that would require a guardrail. Still it was about 8 which had me puzzled why there wasn’t a rail there. Wait back to the situation FOCUS ok so I decide to slowly try to open my door. That’s a negative, when we dropped front doors were wedged into the sand. GREAT So climb over the seat it is.

So my buddy says “What you mean get out with YOGI?!?!”

I’m like “Uhhh yeah! Or we could just fall of the cliff… hmmmm tuff decision, Don’t worry we will stay right by the car.”

So I get her tiny little butt to climb over and out, simple as pie. She is still freaking like crazy as I’m trying to climb over too. (Hey I’m no mini now and I wasn’t then either. My buddy on the other hand had some very blessed gene’s and I don’t mean blue.) I’m struggling reaching for her to help me, yeah nothing she is worthless. So as I finally wedge my panicked big butt out of the car. I look around us. I’m in total amazement that we didn’t go over. We came to the conclusion we did hit the bear. I claim this because my drivers mirror was laying where he was standing, which I’m sure is what made him run.

So now I’m searching my pockets for my cell. (yes I was spoiled with that, something about “your young, you might need help blah blah blah” Parent’s how did they know?!?) Well yup can’t find it. Ugh so I very carefully get close to the car to see it laying in the seat. Dang it!!

So I ask “Hey do you have your phone?”

“No where’s yours?”

“Uhhh, In there”

“WHAT?!?!?!?!?”

She fly’s back into the backseat and slides her skinny little butt back between the seats snatches the phone and fly’s back out. I’m like what the heck just happened. Probably the sanest moment I had seen of her yet, or that could have been the most insane getting back in there. Either way we had a phone now. So to make a long story short I called my Super Dad you know the one the puppy eyes works on to come rescue us. He pulled back the car and off we went to the game. Well the last quarter at least. Yes the car still drove. Hey I was only missing a mirror and besides it was magically fixed the next day. (gotta love Duct Tape!! Ok no my Dad did something to it with like Super Super Super Glue or something)

Proving stereotypes have some truth.

My family has always amused me. There is never a dull moment when we are all together. No matter what, you can always count on a laugh at from with my youngest sister, Sissy. All three of us My sister’s were born blonde (not me, nope I’m a red head, that’s what I’m sticking with, have been for months years my whole life) and Sissy definitely has fit the stereotype of being blonde over and over and over again. Here are a couple examples:

I remember once the three of us sitting in the mall food court talking about a family friend that was moving to Alaska. Sis and I were talking about the fact that the long drive has to be getting pretty tedious, going on 4 days or something like that.

When Sissy says, “Drive? How can they drive across the ocean?”

“What?!” We wanted to make sure we heard her right.

“I said how can they drive on the ocean?”

We bust up laughing!!

Blank stare at us she is like “What’s so funny? Alaska is in the middle of the ocean, right next to Hawaii! You can’t drive on the ocean.”

I finally catch my breath to ask her something along the lines of “ Do we honestly attend the same school? I wish I had a map.” So after explaining to her how the map works she finally understood, I think…

Story number two happened just recently:

Not only is Sissy the blonde airhead intellectually challenged of all of us, she tends to be the adventurous one. Now Sis and I love a great challenge, but Sissy tends to seek them out constantly. Last summer she took and passed the classes to ride a motorcycle. Shocked us all but she loves it. So last Thursday my Mother, whom was over 10 hours from home got that call. “Ma’am your daughter has been in an accident.” Oh my!! So yeah that afternoon/evening was pure chaos. Luckily she walked out of the ER with only bumps, bruises, scrapes, and a bit less skin on one side of her butt. The biggest issue was her pride.

If you had encountered Sissy at any time after the crash you would have thought “What an ungrateful spoiled brat!”

Which she is but I can somewhat understand her frustration that day. Here she is being boarded up and all her clothes cut off by guys she personally knows because she played softball with them. I would definitely be embarrassed too! So the next day she is ranting about she didn’t understand why she had to be C-collared, and boarded, and all that hospital crap, when she said she was fine.

Where I jump in and say, “Well generally when your body has enough force flying into the back of an SUV to bust the window, they really believe that something has to be broke or damaged inside.”

To which she replies, “Well it wasn’t my body! It was my head! Want to see the marks on my helmet?”

No joke that’s what she said to me. So I ask, “Okay since when is your head not part of your body?”

She stammers, “Well you know what I mean!”

“Yeah, yeah. Still when your body or head hits at that speed you NEED to be checked out.”

Now don’t get me wrong my Sissy is not stupid. She has a degree from college in business management or something like that. (she only changed it like 8 times)

You see all three of us have acquired totally different specialties or gifts. I have my brain and ability to absorb all the knowledge around me whether I want to or not. Sis has the ability to barely want to be preggo and here comes the baby makin’ machine. (I blame her for my inability to become preggo, you see she got all the reproducing genes.) Then finally Sissy has the ability to be a mover/workaholic. At one point she was attending college full time, PLUS working two jobs. She is crazy, however motivated to get what she wants. So when you want everything, that was probably the right gift.

I have so many more stories on how my family amuses me so stay tuned for more.